excuse me, waiter? I didn't order this lobster
by Someone aka Me
Summary: A man dressed in a lobster suit crashes Bucky's date with Sam, only to be stolen away by a sweatshirt wearing person with a spider logo on their chest. So Bucky is curious. Sue him.


So this is actually set in an AU which Bex (DobbyRocksSocks), which she hasn't published yet, but all you need to know is that WS didn't happen, Bucky's been out of cryo for a while, Sam and Bucky are dating, but none of the Avengers have met Peter yet.

* * *

Sam and Bucky are out for dinner for the first time in _ages_. Between the goddamn aliens and witches and fucking _robot birds_ (which, in Sam's opinion, were completely _insulting_ \- "They don't even look like real birds, Steve!"_)_, they finally managed a night out on their own. A date that's a little more exciting than takeout and crashing on the couch halfway through a movie.

And, in Bucky's opinion, it's going _fucking fantastic_.

His steak is cooked perfectly, Sam's burger is delicious, and Sam looks fantastic in his dark blue date shirt. They're leaning towards each other, Sam's ankle pressed against Bucky's. Everything is perfect. Sam is grinning, the gap between his teeth adorable as always. It couldn't be better.

Which is exactly when some asshole dressed in a _lobster suit_ comes flying through the window.

_For fuck's sake_, Bucky thinks.

Lobster-asshole lands on his back in the middle of their damn table, squashing Bucky's steak, like an _asshole_. Bucky rolls his eyes.

"Come on, man," he tells the lobster. "I was having a really great date. But I guess instead, it's a beautiful day to commit murder."

On the other side of the table, Sam is standing, pushing his sleeves back, clearly ready to throw down with the lobster. Which means Bucky has to get involved. _I just wanted one date_, he tells the universe. _Just one without bloodshed. Is that really so much to ask?_

Bucky is standing, pushing back his left sleeve, ready to sock the asshole in the face, when a flying red blur comes in through the open window. When it stops, it appears to be a tiny human wearing a giant red hoodie with no sleeves, a blue sleeved shirt underneath, and— _are those blue sweatpants_? Bucky's not allowed to fight crime in sweatpants. Steve says it's tacky. Sam says he's a dumbass. Why does this asshole get to fight crime in sweatpants?

Before Bucky's done internally grumbling about the sweatpants, the red dude with a spider on the front of his weird disguise has swooped in, knocked lobster-asshole unconscious, and wrapped him up in weird sticky white stuff.

Bucky does _not_ want to know.

Spider-guy shoots up to the ceiling on his sticky stuff, and then takes lobster guy with him. Just before departing, he looks around, looks at Sam and Bucky and their broken table and Bucky's _smashed stead_, and says, "Oh, uh, sorry about your date!"

And then he's gone.

"What the fuck?" Sam says under his breath.

"Why is it always date night?" Bucky asks. "Also, who _was_ that? He reminded me of Steve. Tiny, fighty, awkward little shit."

And Sam groans.

"What?" Bucky asks innocently.

"You're gonna track him down, now, aren't you?"

"Wh- Why would you even-"

"Oh, don't even try to pull that on me. Every time someone reminds you of tiny Steve you have to adopt them. Don't think I haven't noticed."

"I don't know what you're talking about," Bucky says stiffly. "Do you think they'll replace my steak due to lobster smushing?"

Sam just rolls his eyes, and pulls Bucky in for a brief kiss. "Don't worry. Your strays are adorable."

And in the end, they do replace his steak, so it's not all bad.

..

But Bucky can't stop thinking about the incident. About the person fighting crime with no armor, no protection. About how _young_ he sounded. Even when he was tiny, Steve's voice always matched what he would become.

He finds Sam on the couch in their living space, sorting through some VA paperwork.

Sam takes one look at his face.

"You're going to go looking, aren't you?"

Bucky smiles sheepishly at him.

Sam rolls his eyes, but stands. "All right, just let me get my coat."

"You don't have to-" Bucky starts, but Sam interrupts him.

"Of course I am. You think I'm letting you go spider hunting on your own?" Sam grins at him, soft and sweet, and Bucky falls in love all over again with Sam Wilson, who knows him so well, who will follow him without question, who never doubts Bucky even when Bucky doubts himself. Who constantly defies Bucky's expectations.

"Come on, then," Sam says when he's gotten his jacket. "Google says he hangs out in Queens and favors the roofs, so I might want my wings — you know my parkour isn't as good as yours, Mr. Super Soldier."

Bucky grins and follows him out.

…

Turns out a red hoodie isn't too hard to spot on a Queens rooftop, especially for a supersoldier and a man chosen for the Falcon project for a reason.

Sam circles around and drops Bucky on the other side of the roof, Bucky landing easily on the balls of his feet, soundless. Sam's wings are a little louder when he pulls them in, so he glides in circles instead, letting Bucky make the approach.

Bucky edges closer, and then lets his footsteps make deliberate noise when he gets close enough to tackle the spider before he can run.

The red mask is missing this time, leaving just a young boy in a hoodie who whips around at the sound, and _god_, he's even younger than Bucky thought.

His eyes go wide, take in Bucky — who isn't in tac gear right now, because this isn't that kind of mission, just jeans and a black t-shirt and at least three guns and two knives, because old habits die hard and old brainwashing dies harder.

His metal arm is clearly visible, and he watches the kid's gaze land there and stick. "You're. You're."

Bucky raises his eyebrows in response, and the kid scrambles to his feet just as Bucky hears Sam's landing a few feet behind him.

"Mr. Uh. Mr. Winter Soldier. Sir. Mr. Soldier. Mr. Winter? I. Uh. Hi."

Bucky blinks. Behind him, he can hear Sam laughing.

"How old _are_ you?"

"I. Uh. Hem." The kid clears his throat, attempts to deepen his voice. "Eighteen?" It comes out like a question. Bucky has to work hard not to smile at that. _God_, this kid reminds him of Steve.

"Want to try that again?"

The kid smiles sheepishly. "Um. Fifteen?"

"Jesus Christ," Sam whispers.

"Does anyone know you're doing this?" Bucky asks. The kid squirms, which is answer enough.

Bucky looks him up and down, and then makes a decision.

"You want to meet Captain America?"

…

"I knew you were going to adopt him," Sam says to Bucky as they both watch Peter animatedly waving his hands at Steve.

"I don't know what you're talking about," Bucky says.

Sam curls his arms around Bucky's waist, reaches up just enough to plant a kiss on the side of Bucky's neck and then rest his chin on Bucky's shoulder.

"You want one, don't you?" he says softly.

Bucky tenses in Sam's grip, and Sam loosens his arms, lets Bucky spin around to face him.

"What?" he says, looking vaguely stunned.

Sam shrugs at him. "I've seen you. Not just with Peter. You're good with kids. You could… We could have that. If you wanted."

Bucky stares at him, unable to express himself. "I. What?"

"You don't have to have an answer. Just. It's an option, you know?"

Bucky pushes into his space, hugs him tightly.

Sam squeezes him in return, and Bucky knows he understands.

* * *

Word Count (Dragons, writing month, auction): 1219

Auction: "It's a beautiful day to commit murder" 3.4

365: 3. bloodshed

Insane House: 707: fandom: avengers

Seasonal: Days: 4th April: Tell a Lie Day - Write about a lie being found out / Flowers: **Azalea** \- Finding out a secret / Amanda's: Umbrella Academy - Alt. Write a Superhero!AU. / Hufflepuff: trait: Kind

WC:Disney: C2: Prince Charming - Write a Royal!AU. Alternatively, write about searching for something/someone. / Book Club: **Holly Short:** (trait) stubborn, (color) red, (phrase) defying expectations / Showtime: 5. That's Your Funeral - (word) Expression / Liza's: 1. Write about someone who is stubborn / Bex's Basement: Bucky / Film Fest: 1. (Plot) Write about someone's secret coming out


End file.
